Now I know if I tell you someone faces a driving ban for their speeding organ I’ll get immature sniggers from a few of you. But no no, it’s real. I saw it on the news.

This is Paul Bex. He’s from Cambridgeshire, but don’t hold that against him. He’s a driver for the private organ donor company Lifeline. They get a call saying they need a liver urgently on July 7th this year. If he didn’t get it within three hours of the call, the patient would have died. So what do you do in that situation?

Well you get there ASAP. No need to potter around behind some idiot in a Polo who wouldn’t trust their fifth gear, you put your foot down and get there as soon as you can. And that’s what he did. He went 112mph past a couple of those lovely speed cameras everyone loves, and a little while later, got sent a letter saying he could be banned from driving.

The law currently states that anyone going over 100mph on a public road faces a 12-month ban, apart from if they’re exempt, which ambulance drivers are. But the old law hasn’t been updated to include the transportation of human tissue and so he’s facing the full brunt of his actions – just for trying to save some poor person’s life.

There was a similar incident back in 2003 where Mike Ferguson was transporting a liver to Addenbrooke’s too, but he got off the hook thanks to being a paramedic. But poor Mr Bex works for a private firm, so it wouldn’t be a like-for-like case. He has the blue flashing lights, sure, but not much past that and a bit of high-speed driving training.

So what do I think? Well, if that previous one was thrown out because it "wasn’t in the public interest", then so can this one. It shouldn’t matter if he’s a trained paramedic or works solely for the NHS, if it’s going to save someone’s life you do all you can to stop it.

Although to be fair, it shouldn’t matter what else happens afterwards. If I put in a situation if I person would die if I didn’t do something, I would make sure I did that thing no matter what, even if it did mean a 12-month driving ban. I wouldn’t be happy about it, but I would be safe in the knowledge I did the right thing.

So choose your options wisely, whoever-it-is-who-does-the-whole-law-thing-here. You can choose head or heart. I know this hasn’t been the most optimistic of blog posts, but it’s a necessary one. It just makes me angry…

1. Simon likes penguin hats.

2. You can kick a burning terrorist so hard in the balls it can tear a tendon in your foot.

3. Mr Burns is the Nerve intern.

4. Pokemon games don’t hold their saves like they used to.

5. Saving your change can buy you a car.

It’s probably not a good idea to open something addressed to "Suicide Bomber" that’s been posted in your letterbox, but thankfully this man did so we can all laugh at him.

His name? Andrew Adams – a 63-year old retired taxi driver from Swansea. One day the postman delivered his letters as usual, but with an unexpected addition. Boots had given him an advantage card under the name ‘Dr A Suicide Bomber’.

Now, I just find it wonderful that the first thing this guy thought was "Well, I’m not a doctor…" before contemplating the fact Boots were trying to get suicide bombers to collect loyalty points. He is indeed more inquisitive why Boots sent him a reward card not under this rather humorous name, but because he rarely shops there.

I just think this story’s great in with a mix of Chile miners being stuck in caves or cats being stuck in bins – it’s not to be taken too seriously. Which is exactly why I’m about to take the piss.

Firstly, I’ve never been a postman, but I’m pretty sure at some point you have to look at the letters you’re posting through. If you do the same round a few times you know who lives where roughly. Even if you don’t, surely you don’t think "Huh, so Mr Adams is a suicide bomber now – that and he’s saving points to buy his missus something nice no doubt – go figure" and just post it through. It’s probably against the law to withhold someone’s post (even if it is addressed to A Suicide Bomber) but maybe it’s worth a knock on the door or… a chat to your local PCSO or something I don’t know.

But then we’ve got the whole idea of it getting to that point in the first place. There must have been some bloke who’s gotten a kick from finding out that Boots actually sent A Suicide Bomber a loyalty card after being bored one day. Boots said they have systems in place to stop that sort of thing happening, but still it got through. To be fair it’s probably a Boots employee just handing in his notice in a rather fancy and humorous way, who knows.

It’s a bit far to go and say "anyone with a weak heart of nervous disposition probably will get really scared by it" because nobody can be scared of anything sent to such a blatant recipient, especially a Boots loyalty card. It sounds a bit reminiscent of Fringe Fail Lady and their sort of "I shouldn’t have to look after myself, should I?!" ideology. If you’re like that, don’t do anything at all, or don’t expect £7000 for falling over or something.

Anyway. I digree. Mr Suicide Bomber – if you actually do exist – you know who’s got your Advantage Card. May I suggest avoiding the nail varnish though, they’ll probably take that off you at airport security anyway.

Okay, I’m a nerd, I admit it. While X Factor was on, I was on my laptop while the V+ box recorded it to watch later. I was on Twitter and a storm was brewing. Well, I say a storm, Steve posted this:

But he wasn’t the only one. Looking a bit more into it loads of people noticed. So I thought I would give X Factor a watch and see what happens. For the most part, I was sure people were just hearing things, but then this one came on right at the end:

…and I’m sure even in between your bouts of severe vomiting and nausea you can tell the bits where it’s robot-tastic. And indeed it was. They admitted to using auto-tune yesterday to enhance the experience, and even to scripting the thing for, what I can only assume is to make another Susan Boyle moment. Sneaky little bastards.

The main argument against it is that the judges judged them solely on what they sounded like at the time, so there were no discrepancies there. That’s wonderful, but to be honest I don’t actually care about how well people do, I just want to hear people singing awful songs in a really bad way. It’s Saturday night entertainment, after all.

Understandably, people were outraged. We do that quite well here in the UK. Even people who didn’t make it the last times were outraged. But of course they would be. Any chance to grab some limelight and they will.

But now for my sarcastic take on it.

It’s a talent show (well, I say "talent" show…) and so surely you’ll want people to base their opinions on whether or not people can…urr… sing in tune. There’s people at home (not me, I’m not that sad) that have competitions between each other about who should go through or not. I dare say there’s a sad act or 50 who phone up to complain that "that bloke with the weird shoes" should have gone through "if you can put that bitch with the hair through".

So I’m going to be outraged. Partly because it’s funny to be at such a non-show as the X Factor, but also partly because it takes the whole purpose of broadcasting the show out of the equation. If they did it to a degree of awesome like the Internet can and make it go all T-Pain up in there, then I would watch it. Auto-tune the countless adverts they had after every audition. Auto-tune the judges. I’m sure there’s a viral video in there somewhere.

All in all, ITV’s a bit of a fail. You really can’t just do that and expect to get away with it. You’ve annoyed the internet, and so you must feel the wrath. Enjoy that.