Gerald found himself slung out in 2006 – a year before he did the deed that got him hated by millions of angry 12-year olds who were stopped form hearing about the latest necklace their Kacheek could wear.
It was also about the same time Leslie still loved him, and his and Jerry’s parents were still alive. He had a chance to start afresh.
He walked home, loving the fact that nobody wanted to brand his back like last time. He went inside to see Leslie lying there seductively in a dressing gown, embroidened with an ‘L B’ at the bottom. They weren’t her initials, but the name of the hotel company she stole it from.
"Darling? Is… is that you? Oh thank god you’re alright!" exclaimed Leslie. She acted as if he’d been gone for the past two years, which he had, but metaphorically, but that doesn’t really count.
"I… urm… only went out to the shops, dear. We were out of milk and… eheh… so were the shops!" replied Gerald in a really lame attempt at any sort of humour. "Have you seen Jerry?" he said, hoping his brother didn’t exist in this pseudo-alternate reality.
"Milk? Jerry? Urm, honey, I think we need to have a talk. Let me just check the kids are asleep…"
Gerald was a bit shocked. What’s wrong with milk? Milk’s awesome. I mean, the cows might not like it being taken from them, but still there’s nothing like a good glass of milk after a hard day’s work. Straight from the fridge it tastes delicious, and straight from the carton even better. Sure you could argue that the ethics of the… okay, back to the story…
"Look, I don’t know what planet you’ve been on for the past god knows how long, but since the cows got brutally slaughtered outright, there’s been no milk. This was at the turn of the century, darling. You should know. Your brother did it."
"JERRY? Goody two-shoes Jerry? You’re joking, right?"
"No no, he’s a horrible horrible man. He tried to kill your parents. Surely you’d remember something like that."
"Lesl-… Darling, I don’t remember us ever even having children. But hey, I could get used to this…"
"…okay. Now let’s have SEX!"
Blimey. Now even I wasn’t expecting that, and I wrote it. Gerald thought he’d simply stepped into another fantasy again, but this time isn’t going to be as stupid as to go through another doorway. But just as he had a moment to reflect on his new found reality…
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH LESLIE?"
Leslie screamed. It was Jerry here once again, who’d just stepped through a doorway in the middle of the living room. Y’know. As you do.
"How the hell did you do that?" she enquired. Her elegance now gone as she stood opposite a known murderer, which is fairly understandable.
"Haven’t you read the news? God cocked up a bit and made these doors appear randomly and… well, I guess it hasn’t hit 2006, has it. Ignore it. It’s a future thing." Gerald explained.
"But hang on, how would Jeremy Kyle do that?"
"…Nevermind…"
This Jerry was the sane Jerry. The sort of non-murder-y one. He had no idea what was going on and only managed to get there thanks to another storyline I probably stole from Monsters Inc, too, but we won’t go into that.
"Gerald, we need to get you back home. This isn’t right. There’ll be two of me and, no doubt, two of you. That’s really not a good thing…" hinted Jerry.
"Two of Gerald? Hey, I like the sound of this…" said Leslie, suggestively.
"THIS ISN’T THE TIME!"
Gerald agreed and they went home. I’m not sure how he did, he just did, okay? End of. You don’t need to know any more.
Then Gerald went through the history of the past five days and noted down all the references to popular culture he saw. Can you find them all? Go help him, now!
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