I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but while I’m at university I don’t have a TV license and thus no TV. It’s fine because everything’s online now, but one thing I do miss (no, honestly) is those morning TV shows you get from about 6 till half 9. I’m talking your GMTV and your BBC Breakfast.
Back in those age-old days of 8:45am starts, the alarm would blare the dulcet tones of Jagger and Woody 7′ O’clock sharp. If you’re from Northampton and heard them, you’ll know what I mean, but Jagger and Woody are perhaps the Marmitiest duo you could possibly imagine – even after you’ve tried to scrape it all off, you can still taste it…
It’s not to say they’re not funny, but they’re funny in the same way someone being sick is funny. Their aim is to make you laugh and okay, they gets a couple of cheap sniggers, but there’s only so much advertising and dated, overplayed music you can stomach in the mornings.
But anyway. I’d manage to stomach this pairing until about 7:30, where I’d get up, dressed and make my way downstairs. Straight away, no questions asked, it’s GMTV that came on. Mainly because of the programme-makers unwillingness of putting on Scarface in their prime, morning slot I don’t know.
GMTV manages to be one of those programmes where it’s just so happy you which you could punch a TV programme in the face. Nobody in their right mind bounces out of bed in the mornings. The bed is the only place you can’t be put down, overworked or underpaid by anyone (assuming you have a sufficiently large lock on your door). Whenever anyone gets out of bed, the last thing they want to hear about is some family in Leicestershire finding their lost ferret, or something.
Then came the bit that really hurts. I’d been doing this ritual the best past of five years before I stopped and came to university, and I found myself caring that a small village somewhere in the Highlands didn’t want a Tesco near them, or Alan Sugar’s dog just gave birth. If someone came up and said to me “Oy, did you hear? Blue Peter just set the World Record for how many people doing handstands in one place!” I’d tell them to piss off. Yet, if Penny Smith told me the price of stamps was going up by two pence I’d be livid!
Long story short, morning TV has a lot to answer for. I mean, thanks for trying to make me happy about breaking my sleep cycle, but please just do yourself some good and go back to sleep and put GoldenEye on, kthx.
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