Ever since Series 4 started what I presume was seven weeks ago, I’ve had a profound lack of interest in it. Okay, the first series was good, the second okay, the third was testing it a bit, but this new one was utter balls. So I didn’t watch it. Now I thought it’d be interesting to watch the latest episode with entirely no idea what’s going on and see what I can make of the story.
Feel free to tell me where I’m wrong. Not that I’ll care, but it’ll be for continuity.
0 mins – So from the start, this Effy girl’s gone to a hospital to get psychological help because her brother died. I mean, that’s understandable, with your brother dying and all. Seems like she’s still got some sort of drug addiction, or she likes swallowing blue M&Ms whole.
3 mins – She’s just got Freddie’s jumper jacket thing. She really didn’t want it. Guessing he died, they had a fight or it’s not her colour.
6 mins – That girl who I can’t remember the name of (but is a lesbian, or at least looks like one) comes to visit Effy. There’s something big that happened that they don’t want to talk much about. – Ah, they just called her Naomi. Makes sense now.
9 mins – Her psychologist just let her home and starts dancing to Easy Lover. He’s a bit mental, if not a rapist by the way he talks.
12 mins – She’s got a wall chart. This seems very… bog standard person lives. This isn’t the Skins I remember seeing a few weeks back. She’s seeing Freddie now, so I’m pretty certain he didn’t die. If he did, that’d be weird.
13 mins – Woah, are they in a relationship or something? If not then I’ve been saying hello totally the wrong way…
14 mins – If I’ve learnt anything so far, it’s reference sex at any possible moment and you make for a good Skins episode. Stop doing it! Don’t you have school to go to or something?
16 mins – That ditsy ones back again. It’s A-Level results time? Apparently Effy didn’t take her A-Levels. Probably on drugs at the time, knowing the youth of today. She’s off to talk to the guy out of The Thick Of It. I don’t know how much that’ll help her mental problems, but okay.
21 mins – They’re sitting around drinking saying their results in turn. Seeing as they hardly turned up to lessons and had sex instead, I’m surprised they got such high grades. Me, not having sex all the time and turning up to lessons got me a BCC, and I was well chuffed. They got AAA and were well chuffed, but in a different way.
23 mins – Effy just practically announced she was going to commit suicide. Pretty much a guaranteed way to get people to stop you. That and the guy who played that nerdy kid can’t even act at taking a sip out of a beer. Fail. That dumb bloke’s smoking outside in the rain. Apparently he’s supposed to be in jail. What for, being a tosser?
24 mins – Freddie’s name just disappeared off the chart. Freaky. Maybe he dies or something. Although to be fair, if any of them die, it would probably lighten the mood of the whole thing.
26 mins – Therapist man lives up to his name. Gave the rapiest look ever. She’s going to get attacked or something.
27 mins – “You made me go mad when I was with you” “You’re making me go mad now, Effy” – Did I just unwittingly stumble into two random teenagers reciting the lost, scrap pieces of Shakespeare’s notepad?
29 mins – Holy fuck, PATO’S MISSING! Turns out he’s behind the bed. I’m guessing it means a lot to her. That or she loves giraffes (who love giraffes).
33 mins – We’ve got the mandatory rave scene that accompanies any teenage drama. Effy meets that guy who calls himself James, but I don’t think that’s his name. Perhaps going for massive douchebag points. Smokes more than a chimney, too. I thought they banned smoking in public places…
35 mins – She’s visited the scene of her brother’s death. Something bad’s going to go down. Acting might be involved here. Oh god.
37 mins – She nearly died, but didn’t. Then a make-out scene happened by the side of the road. Wow. Didn’t see that one coming… Cooke! That’s his nameeee…
39 mins – Freddie was going to leave. Apparently everyone broke everyone’s hearts. I can only assume an orgy happened at some point. Just a hunch.
41 mins – John Foster’s now a bad person. I guess he did rape her. Call me cynical but, well, this is Skins. The most unlikely thing will happen at any time possible.
45 mins – …WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
Huh. Go figure. John Foster’s a bad bloke, but not a rapist. That’s assuming the bad special effects didn’t lie. Might’ve been ketchup on that window, you don’t know!
That’s quite a coincidence, I did exactly the same thing yesterday (although I didn’t see anything but the first episode of series 3). I thought it was good to see Tony referenced, almost made me feel back at home just like the old days! But did you notice on the certificate it shows at the beginning (with the therapist guy) is not Tony’s name? That threw me way off. Of the twenty minutes I could bear it seems much tamer than the craziness in series one and two. Even the music isn’t as cool! Of Skins-related things I tried watching the first series before Christmas after a wave of nostalgia, got three episodes in and felt like committing suicide myself, how did we cope with that stuff in our younger days‽
I know! Geez. I mean, it wasn’t exactly an accurate representation of young people anyway, which always annoyed me, but at least back in the first series (or, at least, the first half of it) it was somewhat believable. Now… who knows? =/
tony didnt die!