Just in case you’ve been living under the proverbial rock that repels mundane celebrity news, David and Victoria Beckham (or ‘Posh and Becks’ if you’re still stuck in the 90s) had their first daughter on Sunday, called Harper Seven Beckham. I’m not quite sure why you should care.
But what I’m sure we can agree on is that Harper Seven Beckham is an utterly stupid name. I’m sure there’s some sense behind it, but it’s just asking for that kid to be picked on when she’s in Year 3 (yeah, you can work it out if you like, but I can guarantee you won’t).
Harper I can understand. Name trends change. As long as it isn’t Chlamydia or something, I’m generally fine with it. It’s apparently a rather popular choice for Americans. But Seven? Speculation pins it with the number Beckham used to play as, which is just sad.
There has to be more epic, but unusual names out there that they could have chosen, right? Oh, yes…
Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster
I remember reading about this name a good while back and it’s still embedded in my brain as the name I should change myself to should I ever get caught for that string of arms deals with Ir-… I mean… urr… what?
When you see this name what you see is a man with a massive pair of guns. And a tattoo. And a machete. You don’t see a weedy white boy typing away at his blog, do you? Well you shouldn’t. He is actually in the American army (CBS says so) but he is a computer technician. So there’s hope for me yet.
And Staff Sergeant just adds to it’s epicosity. It’s just so much win.
Killmequick Jeffrey Sanderson
I must admit, I don’t know a lot about this bloke. He might not even be real. But he’s the subject of a bit of Internet hype about this South African males – who I can only assume were caught by the Police or something judging by their passport photos – who have the most epic names ever.
There’s Michael Jackson (although not obviously him), Victor Dont-Worry Sambu and, amongst others, Captain Morgan.
If I had that name… or in fact any of those names… I think I would forever be showing people my ID. In the off-license? Look 40 years old? Not even buying alcohol? Show it anyway. It’s like "BAM! There you go. Killmequick Sanderson at your service!"
La-a
I know it sounds like I’m just setting up a rule to make any female sound like she’s from the ghetto, but I’m not. This is a name in itself. But how’s it pronounced? Layah? Laa-ah? Nope. It’s "Ladasha". The dash don’t be silent.
The origin of this name is shrouded in mystery, but Snopes has it pinned on a school girl somewhere in America. It’s a rumour that’s been spreading for a while now, so it’s got a bit cloudy. But it’s still better than Harper Seven, which sounds like a gang name for the cast of My Family.
If you ever get bored and fancy making your own future Beckham baby name, there’s a generator handy set up for you. Hassle free. You can thank me later, or little baby Horsepower Fourteen can do that in person next time I see you.
My personal belief is that the Beckhams are closet Trekkies, and Seven is for Seven of Nine
Haha awesome post man
You’ll never guess who this is…
Considering you’re the only person I know who has their internet though BT in Northampton, I’m pretty sure I do.
That and the massive ego name.